David Osborne; Beyond the Cult of Fatherhood (1985)

David Osborne 

Beyond the Cult of Fatherhood (1985)

Reading this essay by David Osborne reminded me of my own family life; Where my father is the chef and my mother is the handyman/woman. Like David my father has an occupation besides being the househusband; he is a lawyer but since he has his own practice his hours are flexible. I remember waking up like Nick and calling for my father, waiting for his strong hands to pull me out of the crib and set me in my hot pink high chair where I played with my little transformer toys while he prepared our breakfast; a hot pot of coffee for him and some oatmeal for me.   At this time my brother had already been taken to school by my mom who then headed off to the hospital where she worked long hours in the emergency room as a social worker. I hadn’t realized that connection until now, that both Nick’s mom and my mom each worked at a hospital. There would be days that I wouldn’t see my mother at all because of how late she worked and just like Nick’s mom the guilt would be evident in her face especially when I went to Daddy both as my partner for play and my support. I had become Daddy’s little girl. 

I find it so interesting that gender roles play such a large part in society that Nick’s father would have had an identity crises staying home full time with Nick had he not been an established writer, whereas there are plenty of stay at home mothers that are fulfilled doing just that; staying at home. Nick’s mother also felt a large sense of guilt as she watched her son cry or whenever he was injured or sick and she wasn’t there to care for him. She felt this way because it is woman who has been given the task of being the main caretaker for the children as their first and most important job. It causes me to look back on my childhood and wonder if my father ever felt like less of a man because he was the primary caretaker, or if my mom ever felt like less of a mother because I went to my father for comfort and guidance. 

Gender roles have never played a big issue in my family or at least I never thought so but after reading this essay I wonder if it was a bigger issue to my parents than I originally thought. 

Conquering themselves So Beautifully: Louisa May Alcott, Women's Rights/ Men: Sojourner Truth

I have loved the novel little woman since I was a little girl and my mother would read a chapter every night before I went to sleep. I always felt that I could relate to Jo the most with her comical nose and eyes that could see everything. Oh and how could  I forget the long dark brown nest of hair that was always bundled into a net, this was the attribute that made me most like her. Jo was the tomboy that used some of her own slang as Meg calls it. Jo with her boyish name and her slang would complain about being a girl and did things like whistle because it was un-lady like and boyish; which is what I would do when I was younger. I would constantly pop my gum even though my mom repeatedly told me not to because it was something “lady’s didn’t do”; so naturally that made me more inclined to do it. When I would complain that I it was never a problem before my mother would say almost the exact same thing Meg says “ It didn’t matter so much when you were little; but now you are so tall, and turn up you hair, you should remember that you are a young lady.”  Obviously my mother didn’t say those exact words because I am a mere Five foot four but Just like Jo I as growing up and becoming a lady and I couldn’t get away with the same boyish things I had been doing my entire life. I fought her on it because I loved boys games and I hated wearing my hair up and feeding into what everyone else thought a “little woman” should behave like. It was so much fun reading this excerpt from the novel because it brought back so many memories of my childhood and how much I loved relating to Jo who to this day is my favorite character in any novel I have ever read. 

In Sojourner Truth’s writings she talks about the colored woman’s rights. Women are finally being taken seriously, just like Louisa May Alcott when she was writing Little Women,  and she had to establish a herself professionally at a time when women writers were just beginning to be accepted. Both the woman Sojourner Truth is talking about the Alcott's Little Women are enslaved in some way. Jo so desperately wishes to be able to break the mold and act like a boy but because of societal codes she cannot while the women working in the fields for smaller pay than men want equal pay for equal work but because they are women they cant.  An excerpt from Sojourner Truth’s “Woman’s Rights” shows a letter written about how she should be treated equal to a white woman because she is in fact a woman who deserves to be escorted across a street or helped over a puddle but where as the “little Woman” have books lining their little cottage, they can write and their mother gives them each a book to read for Christmas, This excerpt has almost every word spelled wrong. Woman are equal both to each other and to men. 

I'm Thin Therefore I am ( 2001) By: Nicci Gerrard

I’m Think Therefore I am (2001)

Nicci Gerrard

This was a very interesting article to read. It began talking about the joy of food and how it is so much more than just a means to survive. Food is connected to our emotions, imagination, and childhood. Like Nicci Gerrard I feel reassured by food. Some of the best memories I have with my best friend were made in the kitchen; creating the most outrageous yet delicious concoctions. The best one yet was the Boom Pow Pow Choco Choco shake which consisted of two cartons of Ben and Jerry's phish food ice cream, three swiss miss vanilla puddings, two cups of milk (2%), one chocolate protein bar, a chewy bar, four table spoons of peanut butter, eye ball the Hershey syrup, a jar of nutella (yes the whole jar) and just a pinch of cinnamon. This was by far the biggest party my mouth had ever experienced, my taste buds were so excited they didn’t know what to do with themselves. We had so much fun creating this recipe, and it definitely created a deeper bond in our friendship, all this because of the beauty of food. But the beautiful experience was tarnished once Bianca left and I realized where that delicious shake would end up... “a moment on the hips a lifetime on the hips.” 

We are bombarded by images both on television and in magazines by these woman who look as if they eat an almond we would be able to see it travel down to their stomach before they regurgitated it. It is so sad how obsessed we have become with weight and how we have been trained to feel guilt about eating. Kate Moss recently said in an interview that “ Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.” Why is it every girls goal is to look as if they just got out of the holocaust; every rib accounted for, and spine poking out through the skin. I am sometimes one of these girls. I would be lying if I said that I didn't have the sickness that has become an epidemic in this country, an obsession with weight. It would be wrong of me to sit here and say how pathetic this all is, and not admit that I too stand in the mirror every morning mid-change and critique my body, how my hips have grown, and my large butt. I enjoy eating so much, I love using my creativity to make something new in the kitchen, or use my artistic ability to decorate a cake. But if I regret it after wards is Kate Moss right? Does nothing taste as good as skinny feels? 

"Bros Before Hos: They Guy Code" By: Michael Kimmel

The Guy Code:

I never fully understood the pressures of being a boy. I've always heard boys toss around names like fag, or wussy but never actually thought about the affects of those harsh terms on a boys self esteem. Ill never forget the day I went with my brother Erik  to baseball practice, and I saw him break down. This was after I had quit the team and my father had become the coach. They were doing Batting Practice and my brother had made an error on the field; all you heard was my father screaming “Wussy!” and calling him Erika. My brother freaked out at the fact that my dad was openly calling out his masculinity, my dad noticed this and calling players the feminine version of their name when they made an error became his regular coaching method.  They amount of errors made on the field decreased drastically, I never attributed that to the name calling until I read the article “ Bros before Hos”. These boys would do anything to get the approval from one another and from their masculine coach.

Its funny because I read this article right after I red this months issue of Cosmo where there is an article about 29 year old Justin Halperns New York Times best selling Memoir Sh*t My Dad Says... About Women and Sex. It is about the brash advice his 74-year-old dad gives him. This book proves what is said in the article about the fathers need to instill manliness into there sons at a young age. Just to share one of my favorite quotes from the book; this is his fathers advice on finding Justin's porn stash. “ You shouldn’t have left that porno in our VCR. Your penis betrayed you, son. Made you think stupid. It won’t be the last time that happens.” That's more of a funny quote but what You get from the dad is that he does not openly tell his son about the “man laws” but shows him by example. When Justin was rejected by the first girl he asked to prom his dad said “ Sorry to hear that. Hey, have you seen my fanny pack?... No, I care about what you said; I told you I was sorry to hear it. Jesus, I can’t be sorry and wonder where my fanny pack is at the same fucking time?” His dad shows little emotion or sensitivity towards his son. By example he is showing the manly way of consoling his son with little emotion and no sympathy; how the real men do it. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G44bAN-KsiY

A Boy's Life By: Hanna Rosin

Wow... A Boy’s Life by Hanna Rosin was a very challenging article to read. Never did I even begin to think about the challenges of feeling as if you were born in the wrong body. I would be lying to you if I said I did not shed a tear sympathizing for both these confused people and there even more confused families.  As I’ve mentioned in my blog before I have a younger brother and it had never occurred to me to look at what he’s playing with or the clothes he chose to wear, but I guess that's because everything he does seems “appropriate” for his gender.

Reading his article I was transported back in time to when I was thirteen watching lifetime on the couch with my mom and a preview for one of there new movies that was playing on the screen, A Girl Like Me. It was the true story of a transgendered teen and his self discovery of living a life as a woman. He did all the same things that Brandon Simms did; wearing dresses at a young age, experimenting with his mothers jewelry and makeup, and even wearing her lingerie. His name was Eddie Araujo before he became Gwen Araujo, and he was from a single parent Spanish household, which means that his family was not that sympathetic towards his “situation”. The story begins with Eddie at a young age exploring the feminine world he so desperately wishes to be a part of. He hates his life, he hates it ever single day, and he refuses to hide who he is anymore. While the story begins with his youth it focuses mainly on his life as a teenager and the struggles he deals with everyday, fighting who he believes to be and who others try and push him into being. 

When I first saw the preview to this movie  I was so excited to see it. My mom and I even made it into a movie night and invited my aunts to come for the viewing. I guess I was so excited to see it because I had never heard the term transgender before of even knew it existed. As my family and I watched this movie I empathized for Eddie. The pain this poor boy went through struggling to find who he really was. I found this article fascinating because it reminded me of home and the movies my mom and I would get so excited to watch and because it provided almost background information for one of my favorite movies; allowing me to see what Eddie’s childhood was like. This article is fascinating and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, so much so that I sent it to my mother to read. 

Here is a snippet from the movie:  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSjf8W2nCiY&feature=related

Becoming Members of Society" by Aaron H. Devor

Just the other day I was discussing with Professor Huston the reason I put hearts over all the i’s in my name. I believe I said “Because I have a boy name, I put hearts over the i’s so people realize I’m a girl.” As silly as this sounds its true. I have been assumed to have been a boy my whole life because of my name, it is not until people meet me that they realize I am a girl. I hated my name so much when I was younger because everyone would tease me for it and call me a boy. I remember thinking that it would just be easier to become a boy than change my name ( I was young). I had my mom take me to the salon so I could get my hair cut, and I stole some of my brothers old baggy clothes. I was ready to be a boy. This essay really resonated with me because it was so accurate about how we define gender roles when we are younger. I thought I could become a boy if I simply cut my hair and changed my clothes, genitalia played no part in it. Eventually my mom realized how insecure I had grown with my masculine name and taught me the heart over the i trick.  It made me feel much more comfortable. Looking back its kind of funny that I was so accepting to change my gender but not my name. I actually thought it would be easier to just become a boy because I had the mindset that the only thing that differentiated the genders was the hair and clothes. 

Growing up my mom has been my best friend, She is the person I guess I learned my role of “femininity” from, but the problem is my mother is anything but feminine. She is the woman who wants the power tools for Christmas and could care less about the clothing she wears. Unlike my mother I love clothes but I also love the masculine task of working with my hands, as I am a sculpture major. I call this masculine because welding and cast ironing is very aggressive and the essay characterized that as a masculine characteristic associated with males. Which causes me to notice for the first time that I am one of the few woman sculpture majors. I had never thought about this before reading this essay. Did I pick up my love for elbow grease and power tools from my mother? Or was I born with it?

While reading I was reminded of my six year old brother and how he has just learned that he has a penis. He runs around the house naked screaming “I HAVE A PENIS!” I didn’t realize that he was screaming this because it is something he has just discovered. He now realizes that a boy has a penis, and that girls have “something else” to quote Maddox. This is a very interesting essay about gender. It leaves you thinking. What would I be like now if my mom would have encouraged my boyish behavior? What would Maddox end up like if we silenced him as he screamed about his manhood? Who had the biggest affect on how I turned out/ am turning out?