Becoming Members of Society" by Aaron H. Devor

Just the other day I was discussing with Professor Huston the reason I put hearts over all the i’s in my name. I believe I said “Because I have a boy name, I put hearts over the i’s so people realize I’m a girl.” As silly as this sounds its true. I have been assumed to have been a boy my whole life because of my name, it is not until people meet me that they realize I am a girl. I hated my name so much when I was younger because everyone would tease me for it and call me a boy. I remember thinking that it would just be easier to become a boy than change my name ( I was young). I had my mom take me to the salon so I could get my hair cut, and I stole some of my brothers old baggy clothes. I was ready to be a boy. This essay really resonated with me because it was so accurate about how we define gender roles when we are younger. I thought I could become a boy if I simply cut my hair and changed my clothes, genitalia played no part in it. Eventually my mom realized how insecure I had grown with my masculine name and taught me the heart over the i trick.  It made me feel much more comfortable. Looking back its kind of funny that I was so accepting to change my gender but not my name. I actually thought it would be easier to just become a boy because I had the mindset that the only thing that differentiated the genders was the hair and clothes. 

Growing up my mom has been my best friend, She is the person I guess I learned my role of “femininity” from, but the problem is my mother is anything but feminine. She is the woman who wants the power tools for Christmas and could care less about the clothing she wears. Unlike my mother I love clothes but I also love the masculine task of working with my hands, as I am a sculpture major. I call this masculine because welding and cast ironing is very aggressive and the essay characterized that as a masculine characteristic associated with males. Which causes me to notice for the first time that I am one of the few woman sculpture majors. I had never thought about this before reading this essay. Did I pick up my love for elbow grease and power tools from my mother? Or was I born with it?

While reading I was reminded of my six year old brother and how he has just learned that he has a penis. He runs around the house naked screaming “I HAVE A PENIS!” I didn’t realize that he was screaming this because it is something he has just discovered. He now realizes that a boy has a penis, and that girls have “something else” to quote Maddox. This is a very interesting essay about gender. It leaves you thinking. What would I be like now if my mom would have encouraged my boyish behavior? What would Maddox end up like if we silenced him as he screamed about his manhood? Who had the biggest affect on how I turned out/ am turning out?